The ram lowers its head and charges.
Pieces of sheep soar majestically into the air as I gun the motor, throw back my head and roar my defiance. The whey faced shepherd stares, horrified as the legless trunk loops into the passenger seat, the satanic yellow eyes still open, the image of the onrushing Bentley insignia [...]
Archive for the ‘Fiction’ Category
God Rest Ye, Merry Gentleman..
Posted in Comedy, Fiction, Food, Funny, Humor, Humour, Satire, Short Story, Wine, Writing, tagged Bentley, Calvados, Doberman, Glendronach, Oliver Sweeney on December 30, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Love Me, Love, My God!
Posted in Comedy, Fiction, Funny, Humor, Humour, Satire, Short Story, Writing, tagged Amontillado, Armagnac, Earl Grey on December 12, 2008 | 2 Comments »
Miss Lavinia Letitia Lamont, ‘Topsy’ to her friends. I roll the name around my tongue, savouring the clipped consonants and flowing vowels. Never has a daughter so graceful, been born to a father so dull. The Major as he was known to every Tom, Dick and Harry in the shires, liked to brag of his [...]
The Lowering Sky
Posted in Fiction, Humor, Humour, Satire, Short Story, Writing, tagged Bentley, Funeral, Jeffrey West on November 17, 2008 | 1 Comment »
The Bentley purrs through the Yorkshire Dales, devouring the miles, closer and closer to what? Closure?
The anger burns brightly these last thirty years, driving me onwards. Slowing down to negotiate the hump back bridge, scattering sheep across the moor. The lowering sky, the stone chapel. a fine drizzle descending on the heads of this handful [...]
The Race – Part III
Posted in Comedy, Fiction, Funny, Humor, Humour, Short Story, Wine, Writing, tagged Bollinger, Bugatti, krug, Porsche on October 11, 2008 | 2 Comments »
My rage gets the better of me at times, and as the Bugatti careens across the South Circular, attracting the attention of what transpires to be an unmarked police car, my temper twitches and churns. My two fingered response to their frantic hand signals prompts the attachment of a blue light to the top of [...]
The Race – Part II
Posted in Comedy, Fiction, Funny, Humor, Satire, Short Story, Writing, tagged Doberman, Earl Grey, Laphroaig, Lapsang Souchong on September 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
“You’re looming again Peregrine, I will not tolerate being loomed over…”
Great Aunt Augustine, as grimly determined to hang on to her vast fortune and crumbling estate as she is reluctant to see her only living heir prosper. One hundred and seven years old, patrician, perfectionst and practically blind, she is equipped with a monocle screwed [...]
The Race – Part I
Posted in Comedy, Fiction, Funny, Humor, Satire, Short Story, Writing, tagged Bugatti, Glendronach, Pauillac, Soho on September 13, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
This splendidly chilly Autumn day, sun wearily lighting the cobbles, the mews ringing with the sound of a powerful engine spluttering into life. The type 35 Bugatti, painstakingly restored, coughs, chokes and dies. The clatter of spanners flung and bastard bloody Bertie red faced and foul phrased, venting his spleen.
Sliding into ‘The Royal Oak’ for [...]
A Winter’s Tale
Posted in Comedy, Fiction, Humor, Short Story, Writing, tagged cloves, ghost, gothic, pheasant, Stilton on September 7, 2008 | 3 Comments »
The Stilton, pungent and creamy, melted into my palate like mist, crackers roughing up the tongue, a generous slug of Armagnac clearing the stage for a second, prolonged assault.
“Ghosts!” I roared, “Never heard such bloody nonsense – the only spirit I know is the one that disappears …down Merry’s gullet!”
Laughter rolled extravagantly round the table, [...]
The Case Of The Limehouse Golem Pt III
Posted in Comedy, Fiction, Funny, Humor, Humour, Satire, Short Story, Writing, tagged Assam, Brandy, Kippers, Lapsang Souchong on August 30, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
After pausing for a restorative brandy at the Turks Head in Marylebone High Street, I found myself ascending the stairs at Baker Street somewhat later than I had anticipated – the page boy had long since departed for bed. On opening the door, the sight that awaited me left me reeling in shock – the [...]
The Case Of The Limehouse Golem Pt II
Posted in Comedy, Fiction, Humor, Humour, Satire, Short Story, Writing, tagged Armagnac, brogue, Darjeeling, spats, tea on August 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
I reached the Police station by way of Marylebone road in less than an hour, and announced myself to the desk sergeant, rubbing my hands in gleeful anticipation – if I could convince Lestrade of the merit of my findings, then we could apprehend the villain and perhaps even spare some unsuspecting soul from [...]
The Case Of The Limehouse Golem Pt I
Posted in Comedy, Fiction, Funny, Humor, Humour, Satire, Short Story, Writing, tagged crossword, gin, limehouse, meerschaum on August 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
The family’s connection to the famous Sherlock Holmes is something we usually keep under wraps, so to speak. The facts, involving as they do, the most unspeakable crimes, do not reflect well on Uncle Perry and his involvement quite frankly did little to accelerate the eventual capture of the infernal perpetrators.
The story begins with [...]
